You know that moment in the movie "Eat Pray Love" when Julia Roberts says "I am in serious trouble. I don't know what to do. I need an answer... Please! Please tell me what to do and I will do it." (As she was breaking down and speaking to God for the first time out loud)
Well that was pretty much me before I started my healing journey. During that time I felt lost, broken and disconnected from the world. I was on auto pilot and continuing to say "I'm fine I'm strong... I can get through this." But there was no way I could continue on like this and getting my injury this past year was a blessing!
To back up a little about my story... I lost my parents a year and a half apart due to sudden heart attacks when I was 18 then 19. That alone was devastating. I braved through many years and tried to hold it together but to be honest I never fully dealt with their loss properly. I turned to partying in college to numb the pain as well as continuing to use alcohol at times as an outlet. I would break down behind closed doors and talk to a few close friends but never got to the core of the pain I was truly feeling.
Anniversary deaths, holidays, birthdays seemed to trigger extreme sadness, anger, frustrations and so on. I had a good support system through my wonderful grandmother and close friends, etc... but it just was not enough.
After my grandmother passed away (5 years ago). Our family suffered a great loss and there was extreme pain and anger that took place. I felt very alone at this time and it seemed to repeat old unhealthy patterns. Out of respect to my family members I will not share what took place but there was a great deal of disconnect during this time.
About 2 years ago I decided to try trauma therapy. I found a wonderful therapist in the South Bend, IN area and it helped tremendously. During that time I began meditating and seeing their loss differently. The therapist walked me through each death through different eyes. It showed me how my unhealthy patterns took place and learning "people that are hurting inside - tend to hurt others." I knew over the years I hurt a great deal of people. It was never my intention but it helped me realize why it all took place. It also made me realize why there was hurt in our family towards one another.
Fast forward to this past summer... I started having issues with my shoulder and upper back area. It got to the point I could no longer use my left arm and developed extreme pain. As a photographer we need to use our whole bodies to photograph as well as edit! I had weddings and sessions to capture but this injury was not having it!!!
I reached out to my good friend Jess Stevens (who I worked with many years ago at the salon). She owns her own business out of her home doing massage, cupping, facials, etc... I walked up to her door in extreme pain and said "I have a wedding this weekend can we fix this?" She was beyond shocked and concerned that I may be done completely photographing. I was just as scared as well! She decided to try cupping on me. I heard about it and figured hey why not - I will try anything at this point! As she began working on me she noticed certain areas were extremely inflamed with poor tissue, joints, etc... At that time I was going to her 3 times a week to help heal. About 2 weeks in she tried working on my left side just under my armpit area. She has a special tool that helps break up build up tissue + toxins. Let me just say it is not the best feeling thing but it is a game changer on helping to heal! As she was working on my side she stopped... and said this was the worst she has ever seen! It was extremely red, purple, etc... and I began crying while she was working on me. It was like I felt a release if that makes sense.
Over time the cupping truly helped me heal to where I was back to doing what I love!
If you are unfamiliar with cupping it basically is: "an ancient form of alternative medicine in which a therapist puts special cups on your skin for a few minutes to create suction. People get it for many purposes, including to help with pain, inflammation, blood flow, relaxation and well-being, and as a type of deep-tissue massage."
During this time I reached out to my good friend Brenna who does Reiki healing. I met Brenna at a wedding I photographed awhile back and started going to her soon after for Reiki sessions. If you are unfamiliar with Reiki it is: "a healing technique based on the principle that the therapist can channel energy into the patient by means of touch, to activate the natural healing processes of the patient's body and restore physical and emotional well-being."
The great thing about Brenna is that she also specializes in essential oils! She incorporates them during the Reiki session depending upon what the body needs to heal, release, etc... During that time she was also working on me weekly along with the cupping with Jess. Putting the two together completely helped me heal! Brenna made me realize I had emotions I needed to release over built up trauma for many years.
When we have any sort of trauma take place in our lives it has energy attached to it. That energy stays within us until we hopefully release and heal! This is how disease can come about in our bodies as well as injuries. Emotions are trapped as well. That is mainly why my body shut down!
After learning about all of this as well as incorporating daily mediation... I started to let go and heal. I looked at the world and life differently. I look at death differently! I released years worth of pain and self sabotage.
Each day I am learning more and more about myself and this life! I appreciate just waking up and putting my feet on the ground. I am blessed to do what I love in my career! The list goes on...
Not all days are full of sunshine and rainbows but they are way better than they used to be!
I hope by sharing my story this helps others know they are not alone and there are beautiful options out there that can change your life! It has completely changed mine for the better and I can not thank everyone enough!
I am currently taking a course called the "Lucious Lightworker Academy" learning all about Reiki as well as taking my healing to a deeper level. I would not have taken on this course without going through what I did. I want to help others and continue on this positive journey!
All and all we have one life to live... why not live it the best way possible and be present during the journey!
Thank you everyone!
For information connecting with Jess + Brenna + Melissa: